when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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