She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
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