i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
