Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
