Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
