I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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