11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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