I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
