My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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