i can't believe i had my finger in that
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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