I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
