Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
The feeling are messing with the penis
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
