I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
