He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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