I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
