if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
