NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
