and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
