I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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