I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
