She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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