How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
