Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
