the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
