I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
