how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
