Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
