do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
