I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
