So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
