I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize