I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize