Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
