The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
So vagazzling was a success
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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