Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
50% drunk capacity currently
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
