She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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