hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize