I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
This is the high leading the old right now
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize