im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
