I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
