taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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