porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
