i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
