I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I can text with my tongue
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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