you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
