I wanna bring you to show and tell
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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