I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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