dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
