A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
