i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
