operation harelip BJ is a go
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
