ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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