I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
It's just like the Real World with babies
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize