Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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