she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
