He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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