I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
