4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
