I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
