my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
