Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
