is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Randomize
