you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
