Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
