I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
