so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
