there's paper in my vomit.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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