btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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