I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
