it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize
