please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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