I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
