don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
