I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize
