she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize
